On Thursday, June 16th, we had a midwife appointment.  I was 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant and really looking forward to hearing what our midwife had to say.  We met with her and I asked her to check my cervix because I was just so curious and couldn’t stand not knowing, due to excitement.  She checked and said that I was about 3 cm open and 80% softened, which I thought was a good sign that we could be getting close to labor.  Then she asked how I was feeling and when I responded by saying that I felt absolutely great and still loving being pregnant, she laughed and said, “oh, well…you’ve still got awhile then!”  She then asked me how my appetite was and I told her that it was still good and hasn’t changed, and to that she responded again by saying that she thought I’d make it to at least my due date or maybe a week after!  I guess apparently a lot of woman start to feel miserable and uncomfortable and also lose their appetites as they approach labor.  My husband and I left our appointment somewhat disappointed that we probably weren’t going to be meeting our baby girl anytime soon.  Not that I was in any real hurry to be finished with the pregnancy, because I really and truly love being pregnant and feeling my baby move inside my belly, but I had just reached a point where I was really looking forward to meeting and holding my sweet baby girl.  I was also very much looking forward to the homebirth that we had planned.  We had spent months preparing ourselves for a comfortable and relaxed homebirth and I had practiced my Hypnobirthing techniques almost daily.  We rented a heated and jetted birthing tub from our midwife and it was set up and usable by my 35th week of pregnancy.  I was fortunate to be able to get into the birthing tub nightly and listen to some of the Hypnobirthing scripts and the birth affirmations.  This really allowed me to prepare and get into the right mindset.  I had decorated the birthing room with birth artwork to serve as inspiration and then I hung white Christmas lights up around the birthing tub.  It really was the perfect birthing space!

When we got home from the midwife appointment we put our older daughter to bed and I bounced on the birthing ball for a while.  When I went to the bathroom I noticed a large piece of blood tinged birth seal on the tissue when I wiped.  I disregarded it thinking it was probably from the internal exam.  My husband, Matt, and I then cuddled on the couch and watched So You Think You Can Dance.  I will always remember that night, being snuggled up to Matt while he rubbed my belly for the entire hour long show.  Aurora was so responsive to his touch and she would squirm and wiggle every time he would run his hand down alongside her back.  It was like he was pampering us both by giving us a nice massage.   

I was so completely exhausted that night and could barely keep my eyes open to finish the show.  I headed upstairs to get ready for bed and when I looked into the birthing room and saw the tub, I got a strange feeling.  I can’t really explain it, but it was sort of a nervous feeling, not fear, but just a feeling like… “Wow, this is getting really close.” 

That night I woke up somewhere around 1:30 and headed to the restroom for one of my many nightly potty trips.  I thought I had been dreaming that I was in labor, but when I crawled back into bed, I started feeling what felt like menstrual cramps in my lower abdomen and in my lower back.  I thought, “Huh, maybe I wasn’t dreaming after all.”  I lay in bed feeling the waves coming off and on and wondered if this could really be it and if I should wake up Matt.  I decided I should watch the clock for a bit to see if there was any regularity to them.  Much to my surprise, they were coming regularly, every 10 minutes on the dot.  At 2:30, I got up for another potty trip and when I crawled back into bed, Matt woke up and asked if I was okay.  We lay in bed trying to rest, but of course I was way too excited to sleep!  At about 4:00 the surges were coming every 7 to 8 minutes and I decided to call my midwife, Penny.  When I spoke with her she told me she had a feeling this was the ‘real’ thing, but to call her back in an hour and we’d go from there.  Matt and I got up and I fixed my hair and put on a bit of makeup.  We both buzzed around getting things in order and by about 4:20, the surges started picking up intensity and were coming about every 4 to 5 minutes.  I called Penny back at 4:30 to update her and she said she was on her way.  I called my sister, mom, and birth photographer to let them know that they should head this way. 

I went downstairs and started setting out bagels and fruit, and got coffee and juice ready for the birth attendants.  At this point I was still very comfortable, just stopping and leaning over the counter to breathe through the surges when they came.  I told myself over and over during a surge that it was just, “tightening…just pressure.”  I was so excited and relaxed as I approached labor.  I felt prepared, safe, and very confident.  I felt no amount of fear whatsoever, just pure excitement.

Somewhere between 6:00 and 6:30, everyone had arrived, (except my sister who didn’t make it here from St. Louis in time.  She arrived about 30 minutes after Aurora’s birth).  Matt lit candles and turned on the white Christmas lights.   The birthing room was so peaceful and serene.   I was listening to the Hypnobirthing Affirmations CD, which really seemed to help me during each surge.  I was able to lean over and breathe through each surge, swaying my hips, and focusing intensely on the birth affirmations that were playing in the background.  I still wasn’t feeling any pain, just pressure and tightening, but I had to focus on breathing through each surge.  Penny got her stuff set up and then checked my blood pressure and Aurora’s heart rate.  Everything was going great, so she gave the okay to go ahead and get into the tub…something I was really looking forward to. 

Once in the tub I felt like the surges quickly picked up intensity.  I was beginning to feel some discomfort with each surge, but still nothing unmanageable at all.  Matt and I labored in the water, cuddling and making small talk between each surge.  At this point, it felt like I’d have a surge, then I’d wait around wondering when the next would happen.  I was very comfortable in the warm water and between surges I would look around at the beautiful birth environment that we had created and I just thought, “Wow, this experience is amazing!  This is really happening, just like I had dreamed.”  I wanted to appreciate every part, and every stage of labor and birth.  Looking back, I think I only saw my midwife two times during my whole labor, which I LOVED!  She and the birth assistants set outside the birthing room and left Matt and me to labor on our own, which is what we had requested.  It was a very intimate and special experience that he and I got to share.  He was everything I needed him to be; calm, confident, soothing, encouraging.  He was my rock.

As labor progressed, I lost track of time and lost track of anything that was going on around me.  Each surge required all of my focus and attention.  The surges became incredibly intense and I went deeper and deeper into myself trying to focus on breathing and rocking my hips in the water.  At one point I came out of my state of relaxation between surges and got overwhelmed with what I was feeling.  I remember feeling overwhelmed with emotions, and for a brief moment I let myself get nervous about my capability and cried while Matt held and comforted me.  It was a very brief moment of vulnerability, and I knew that this was a sign that I was nearing completion.  The surges gave me no time to rest, as they were coming very quickly now.  I brought myself back into relaxation and started feeling incredible pressure.  I breathed through one surge and felt an amazing amount of heaviness and then a POP!  There went my bag of waters.  I told Matt that I needed to get out of the tub and try to get to the restroom.  The surges were coming so fast that I couldn’t make it across the room without another one coming.  Once on the toilet the surges felt relentless, only giving me what seemed like a few seconds to rest between them. Matt was stooped down in front of me and I think he could see that I needed him to step in to help get me through this phase.   He reached down and gently put his hands on my face and pulled me in close to him.  He lovingly and passionately kissed me and I could feel his entire devotion and strength pass through me.  At first I was so preoccupied with the surge that I tried to pull away, but he pulled me back in and continued kissing me.  When I let myself go with it, I instantly felt my entire body relax and my breathing slowed to a relaxed pace.  After kissing through a couple surges, I then told him that I needed to try to get back into the tub.  I would barely finish a surge, wipe, and then another surge was already upon me.  I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make it back into the tub, but I did. 

The birthing room was empty except for our photographer, Jes Deis.  I don’t think anyone really knew how advanced labor was at this point.  I had another surge almost as soon as I got back into the tub.  I remember feeling an unbelievable amount of pressure and it consumed my entire body.  There’s really no way to explain what it feels like as you approach birth.  I went so deep within myself that everything seemed to blur and go dark.  I had no idea what was going on around me, or who was there.  All I could focus on was the intensity and my breathing.  I wasn’t sure what was happening, it took over my entire body.  My eyes were closed and I was doing my deep breathing and just trying to focus on what I was feeling.  I remember it took a huge amount of effort and energy for me to make words come out of my mouth, but I somehow managed to say, in a very breathy voice, “The head is coming!”  I never felt the urge to push, it just took over.  It was a feeling that I couldn’t have stopped if I wanted to.  My breathing changed into a kind of breathy, series of grunts with each exhale.  I reached down and could feel a bulge and knew she was close.  The involuntary, grunty breaths that I was taking were so powerful and I was breathing my baby girl down the birth path.  It was truly primal and my body took over.  I never had to intentionally push at all to get her head out, my body just knew what it needed to do and did it.  Her head came out easily and I remember reaching down and feeling hair swaying in the water.  At that point the birth seemed to stall for a moment and the rest of her body wasn’t coming through.  For the first time, Penny reached down to see what the delay was.  Aurora had her hands up by her face and once her head came through, it pushed her shoulders in an awkward position and she was sort of stuck.  At that point I remember feeling pain and yelling “get her out!”  My body told me what it needed to do, and I positioned myself into a squatting position.  I gave one good push and felt her entire body leave mine; shoulders, back, legs, and then feet slid out and it was a miraculous feeling.  Matt was in the water behind me and received her as she entered the water.  He gently guided her back through my legs and into my hands.  I’ll never forget looking at her for the first time; so lovely and precious.  Within seconds, Adella, who had been witnessing the birth outside the tub, quickly removed her clothes and entered the tub with us.  All three of us gazed upon Aurora as this new little life that would bring so much joy and happiness to our family.  After some bonding time in the tub, I was helped out and into my own comfortable bed where I then birthed the placenta.  Me, Matt, Adella and Aurora cuddled and snuggled in bed, enjoying being a family of four.

Aurora’s birth was everything I had dreamt it would be, and then some.  It really was my ‘dream birth’.  Having gone through this experience has changed me forever.  It was transforming in the way I see myself as a woman.  Aurora’s birth gave me an incredible amount of confidence, strength, self-control, and trust in my own body and ability that I will carry with me and draw upon for the rest of my life.  Sharing the intimacy of this birth with my husband caused me to fall even more in love with him than I already was.  Having Adella right there to witness the birth of her sister was so special and something I think she’ll remember forever.  It was perfect in every way possible.

After the birth, Penny later told me that I certainly made ‘it’ look easy.  She said I didn’t appear to be in any discomfort.  She told me that she had to be honest with me, and told me that at 8:00 that morning she sent a text to the other midwife, saying that she didn’t think I was really in labor and that they were probably going to be packing up and leaving.  I had Aurora in my arms an hour and a half later!  I think everyone was surprised because I didn’t display the typical signs of transition and I birthed very quietly and stayed relaxed and within myself.  I credit my amazing birth to the HypnoBirthing method of birthing.  It allowed me to have the calm and comfortable birth that I had always wanted. 

I awoke at about 5:30am on Sunday, January 23rd (39 weeks 5 days along) to use to restroom, which, TMI!!, i had to several times within an hour's time (this is a sign of labor- your body clearing things out and making room for a baby to come through)... again at 6:30am, I was using the restroom when I felt something happening and looked down at my belly to see it tighten and stick straight out! I knew right then and there that I was in labor. I called out to Jared and said, "I think this is it!"

He got out of bed and grabbed his journal and a pen and began writing down surge times. It was so exciting! I tried to go back to bed, but just wasn't able to. I felt good, however, because we had just gotten a full night's rest, thank goodness! I can't really remember what we did for the next three hours (I know I called into work sometime in there and we also called Nicole, the midwife on call, to give her a heads-up as well as my mom).... maybe just try and convince ourselves that our baby boy was really on his way!... at about 9:30am, I decided to get in the bath tub as the surges had pretty much established themselves. I stayed in the tub for about 3 1/2 hours or so, calling out to Jared the beginnings and endings of all of my surges while alternating between pressing on my hips and rubbing the front of my belly and pelvis to ease the pressure.

While I was in the tub, Jared continued keeping track of every single one of my surges. He also cooked a very protein-packed breakfast for the work that was ahead of us; it was our favorite breakfast of eggs, rice, and sauteed spinach with pine nuts and garlic. He set up a little table next to the tub for me and I ate breakfast there in between surges. After breakfast, I stayed in the tub and Jared ran around cleaning and organizing things that he'd meant to for months. It was really funny to see/hear him speed-nesting! He also finished up packing our birthing & food bags and making fresh carrot/apple/ginger/lemon juice for labor.

After the tub, I had Jared take a couple of belly shots of me for us to remember, then got dressed and sat on the yoga ball for a little bit. It wasn't very comfortable for me, so I rolled it aside and ended up sitting Indian-style on the dining room floor, snacking on oatmeal animal crackers and drinking La Croix. With every surge, I would lean up on my knees and Jared would rush over to press on my hips. He did this, without fail, with every surge from here until the end (minus the car ride). He was such an amazing birth partner and I thank the universe he was by my side every second! I would have been utterly lost without him...

As things progressed, I really focused on breathing, opening, and empowering myself and bringing baby closer to our arms and was no longer communicating to Jared the starts and stops of my surges, rather, he would just listen to my breathing patterns and come to my rescue when he'd hear me take a big breath in. At about 3:30pm or so, we gave Nicole, the midwife, another call to tell her that we were getting pretty close to wanting to come to the birthing center. She asked me several questions- which I had to stop answering in the middle of and have a surge or two, then pick up the conversation. She lives in Muncie, so she said she would be able to meet us at the birthing center at 5:15pm.

Until time to leave, we made arrangements with Jared's brother to watch our dog, Bonty, and Jared got all of our bags and equipment together by the front door. It was really tricky when he started loading up the car because my surges were just gaining momentum as time progressed and I really needed him there while I was having one to press on my hips or I thought I'd lose my mind!... He would grab as many bags, etc as he could and run to the car, throw it all in, and run back inside just in time to catch my next surge. At this point, I believe my surges were 2-3 minutes apart...

When it was finally time to load the last piece of cargo- me!- I was almost in tears at the fact that I had to get in the car and go somewhere! I didn't know how I was ever going to survive surges in the car without Jared's hands able to be at my hips, but somehow, my body knew to take it easy for about 20 minutes and I ended up only having about 4 or 5 surges in the car.

When we arrived at 5:15pm, Nicole examined me and told us the joyous news that i was at 7cm! All my visualization and breathing techniques really worked!! :o) Jared finished unloading the car and April, the birth assistant, filled up the tub for us and we got in at about 6pm. My mom arrived just a little bit after that and brought ice, thank goodness. For the rest of the birthing experience, surges just kept coming, getting closer together and more intense; after every surge, I would chomp ice. Jared was behind me in the tub the entire time. We both got out once to use the rest room and immediately got back in. My mom and Jared were in the bathroom with me and I listened exclusively to the birthing affirmations until he was born. Although I listened only to this one track probably a hundred times, I was so glad we kept it going because there were times that I was back from the moon for a second and needed reminded of the things she was saying.

At one point, I guess I started singing pretty loud & high on my exhales (my way of handling surges) and that's when Nicole decided to stick around (she and April had just been floating in and out of the bathroom, monitoring my blood pressure and baby's heartbeat and refilling the tub with hot water from a kettle on the stove). At this time, she also gave me my second and last exam and told us the great news that I was fully dilated and totally effaced! I'm not sure what time I actually starting breathing baby down, then eventually bearing down and pushing, but Jared says this phase lasted about 45 minutes at the most (so, maybe this was at about 9:30pm).

As you could have guessed, this was the most intense part of the entire experience! So many thoughts and feelings were rushing through my mind, but I really only had split seconds here and there to give to those thoughts, then it was on to another surge (sometimes one on top of another!)...I wanted the video camera set up, but I just couldn't find the words to direct anyone (well, my mom) to do it. Nicole had been pretty quiet throughout the whole labor, but she started giving me direction at this point. She suggested that I change position (I was sitting up with my head leaning on the side of the tub) and it was everything I had to go from sitting up to leaning back on Jared, but somehow I made it. She also started directing me to really bear down and push and to change the noise of my exhalations to deep, low tones (which Patrick, my bro, could hear from the other room and said I sounded like a buffalo, haha!) from the high-pitched 'singing' I had been doing.

This was the part where I didn't know if I could go through with the labor or not. Of course, that was silly since he was crowning, but, I tell ya, I really felt that ring of fire that is so often talked about (don't think you need me to elaborate here, haha)... I mentioned several times the burning, but Nicole directed me to just push into those feelings. Baby boy came out partially and slipped back in a couple of times and in between those times, Nicole had me reach down and feel him coming out. What I felt was crazy- it was a bubble because my membranes never released (when a baby is born still in their sac and waters, this is called en caul) and is very special. All dalai lamas are born this way)! Jared had wanted to be the one to receive the baby, but when Nicole told him it was time to get out the tub and come around to the other side of me, I begged him not to. I felt like my world would have just shattered if he wasn't there supporting me from behind!

As we discovered moments later, Jared would not have really been able to receive Iroh because he came out with an arm right next to his head and had a bit of shoulder dystocia, so Nicole had to do a little twisting and manipulating to get him all the way out. At 10:17pm, he was born in the water and Nicole laid him on my chest as Jared and I just stared in wonder and amazement. I literally just couldn't believe my eyes. I remember my mom saying, "oh, Jessie!" but other than than that, I was on a plane that I had never been to before and heard and saw nothing other than my son. It was something just utterly amazing that I can't express in words. Wow, this was our son! He weighed 6 pounds 13 ounces and was 20” long.

Other than the arm (I had to get a few stitches), there were no other special circumstances/complications and the birth went 99% the way we had envisioned it. iI was so amazing, empowering, and magical. Jared didn't want to cut the cord, so my mom did (after it stopped pulsing) and we took the placenta home (and still have it in the freezer).

Nicole and April helped me get out of the tub and dry off, set me up in bed, and gave me the stitches while Iroh had his first round of breast-feeding. He latched on very well from the get-go and has been doing well with feeding ever since. Patrick fixed me a bowl of peanut butter bumpers cereal and some fresh juice and we all basked in the amazing glow of little Iroh Ji Redder Rust. April and Nicole continued to monitor both mine and Iroh's vitals for the next 4 hours, then released us at about 2:30am. It was so nice to get to go home and be comfortable just hours after giving birth and not have to stay in a facility. The birthing center was amazing. I felt so great after we got home, I don't think I went to bed til around 5am! I had to post pics and let the world know that Iroh had arrived.

Hypnobirthing really made this birthing experience amazing.

By Emily LoBue

My pregnancy was wonderful and enjoyable from the start: no morning sickness, absent was unbearable fatigue and crazy cravings never found me! All of the things I had been told by many to expect. Throughout my pregnancy, in addition to the congratulatory excitement from family, friends and strangers also came the ‘doom and gloom’ birth stories. I would politely listen but would never let them get the better of my positive outlook.

Positive attitude is what I believe created my pregnancy and birth outcome! That is how I knew HypnoBirthing was the right choice for my husband, my baby and me. Growing up, I was always fascinated by pregnancy and birth. From a young age, I would ask my mom what labor was like for her and what it felt like to be pregnant. I have never forgotten her responses. She shared with me that she never felt more beautiful or amazed by her body then when she was pregnant. She also told me that the pain you feel in childbirth can’t be described because it is the only discomfort where there is a joyous outcome!

My midwife thought that I would go earlier than my guess date (a Thursday). At my appointment a week beforehand, she said the baby’s head was at a zero station and I was dilated 1 cm. My parents rushed in from out of state a few days earlier than planned but the baby did not!  My husband and I enjoyed the next week + with my parents; walking, watching movies, walking some more, eating great meals outside in the backyard and enjoying each other’s company!

My husband decided to take the few days around my guess date off from work in case anything should happen. It ended up being a great time to prepare for the baby and relax! He decided over the weekend that he would return to work on Monday. On Monday morning, around 5:30 AM, I woke up for my third or fourth usual bathroom trip of the night. When I returned to bed and tried to fall back asleep, I felt a small ‘gush’ of fluid and thought, “Oh great, I AM going to experience that part of pregnancy when you can’t hold your bladder from acting on its own!” It happened a second time and this made me return to the bathroom where I stayed for the next 20 min or so trying to decide if this was indeed my water breaking. Still not 100% sure (my mom never had her water break with the three of us and since I had replicated her wonderful pregnancies, I was not expecting this to happen!), I returned to the bedroom and woke up my husband saying; “I think my water broke”. He told me he thought something was going on when I did not return to bed right away. As I stood there, a more noticeable gush of fluid happened and we were both sure at that point this was indeed my water breaking!

I told him that he wasn’t going to work that day! He told me he had a feeling that this would be the case! My first thought was, “what do we do now?!” I suggested to my husband that we try to get some sleep since my surges didn’t seem to have started a regular pattern yet and we were up for a long day ahead of us. Of course, that didn’t happen! We were too excited to sleep! I thought maybe we should wait to wake my parents but my husband reminded me that this was what they were here for and he went downstairs to tell them they would be grandparents that day! When he let them know what had happened, my mom said “Thank god!” and gave my husband a high five! My dad was still half-asleep but was still able to say, “Cool!” in an excited voice! I started to have some surges shortly after my water broke and Mark timed them, although still inconsistent, at about 10 minutes apart.

It now made sense why I was hungry before going to bed. My body must have been preparing for the big event! I told Mark we should eat breakfast before I might not want to eat anymore and he left to go and get bagels. My dad made breakfast while my mom continued to time my surges. They were happening about 8-10 min apart at this point but they were tolerable and not bothering me. We enjoyed a wonderful and relaxing breakfast outside in the backyard and I noticed my surges start to gain some intensity and get closer together. Something in my mind told me I should take a shower. This is when my mind/body connection started to take over!

My surges continued to get closer and at about 10:15 AM, Mark asked me if we should call our midwife. I spoke to her and she asked me how I was feeling now that the surges were getting stronger and closer together. I told her I was doing well and that the surges were still inconsistent but some were coming as close as 6 min apart. She said to call back when they were under 5 minutes apart or if the intensity went to the next level, whichever came first. I then decided I wanted to lie down in my bed and listen to my affirmations and Rainbow Relaxation. The surges started to become more and more intense and I needed to focus inward to get through each one. This still wasn’t really difficult to do though! During the time when I was listening to my HypnoBirthing exercises, I relied more and more on my labor support team (Mark and my mom!). Mark was applying counter pressure on my hips and my mom held my hand or helped with the counter pressure.

At this point, I was listening to a CD my sister made for me to relax (I asked her to do this so I could save it for ‘birth day’!). My surges quickly became 2-4 minutes apart and Mark said he thought we should call the midwife  back. Time distortion was beginning to happen at this point for me; things seemed to be happening quickly but I still didn’t feel like it was time to go to the hospital. My biggest fear was getting to the hospital too quickly. Especially knowing that my water had already broken, I knew in the back of my mind that induction could become a reality if I was admitted too soon. Mark spoke to our midwife and she said she would meet us at the hospital. I started to cry because I said it was too soon and it didn’t seem “bad enough yet” (although I wasn’t sure what I meant by that)! My mom reassured me that it wasn’t too soon, my surges were coming so close together. I decided it was time to go.

We had a 25-minute ride to the hospital. Mark drove my car with me in the front seat and my mom behind me pressing on my shoulders every time I signaled, “OK!” with another surge. It was a bit more difficult to stay focused in the car but I tuned into my sister’s CD and we all began singing the closer we got to the hospital. We arrived and were checked into the room at about 2:00 PM. Donna, our midwife, was there and right away I was at ease with her calming spirit. I told the nurse I wanted to keep my own clothes on and she looked at me as if she didn’t know what to do with that answer. Donna let her know it was okay for me to wear my own clothes, as long as I knew my pants had to come off eventually! 

They monitored me for the required 15-20 minutes and Donna watched me as I relaxed through my surges. We talked about her checking me but she didn’t want to do the one exam she would probably end up doing too soon because it would “start another clock” now that I was in the hospital with my water broken. She said by observing me, she would guess I was still in early labor but then decided we would see where I was at. After checking me, she said I was open about 2 cm. (and then ‘stretched’ me a bit closer to 3 cm). Thinking back to this, I wonder why I wasn’t extremely upset upon hearing this news. I was in early labor, I could be possibly facing induction- the awful pitocin and then EPIDURAL?!?! Donna had me try the chest down, butt up position to encourage the baby to move into the best position. This was the most uncomfortable part of my birthing and when I do remember feeling pain. When Donna said, I only had to try it for three surges, that made all the difference for me. I was out of that position immediately after those three surges passed and my body told me I wanted to go into the shower.

My body was telling me exactly what I needed. At times, it was almost as if I was hearing a voice in my head commenting on what was happening to me and around me but it never took my focus away from my body or my baby. It is something that is difficult to explain but it was truly amazing. Mark sat on the bench in the shower with me and provided counter pressure and support the entire time. The water felt so good. All of a sudden though, I said I have to get out now. I just knew I was done with the water but I didn’t know why, the thought came up pretty abruptly! I got out and wanted to lie on my side in the bed. I thought I had been in the shower for about 20 minutes but I was in there for almost an hour!! After getting out, I remember having a wavering moment when I told Mark I wasn’t sure if I could do it. When he told me I could, I said adamantly- “No! You have to say, I AM doing it!!”. I realize now that I was telling this to myself, it was the first, and last time I had a slightly negative thought cross my mind.

Lying in the bed, I told my mom to turn on “Rainbow Relaxation”. The powerful surges rushed through my entire body and forced a low grunting sound that ‘pushed’ my energy downward. This feeling really embodied the word ‘surge”. At that point, I had no control of my body but I felt so IN control of what was happening and what my baby was doing at the same time. Donna came into the room and I remember hearing her say to my mom, “Is she pushing?!” My mom told her I had been responding to the last several surges this way. Donna asked me if I felt like I wanted to push and I told her I didn’t know! I just knew that my body was doing what it needed to do. She decided to check me again- it was only 4:00 PM at this point but when she checked me, I was completely open and ready to have the baby!

I pushed for just under two hours. It was extremely tiring but so empowering at the same time. I lost all sense of time and place at that point but I was still tuned in to “Rainbow Relaxation”. It had played a couple times already but as focused inward as I was, I always became aware of when it was about to end. I would say, “Again!” to my mom and she quickly realized I needed the CD re-set to make “Rainbow” play again. I focused on the ritual of it playing. Every time Jessica Porter’s voice was ending the relaxation, it was only then that I consciously heard her voice and knew to tell my mom to press play again. I remember opening my eyes at one point and seeing a few nurses just standing at the foot of the bed watching. I didn’t know when they got there or that they WERE there! Every single person who came into the room whispered and never disrupted me. I still have no idea when or for how long the nurses came into the room! The lights were kept low the entire time. They ASKED for my birth preferences, which pleasantly surprised me. They read them and followed my requests from beginning to end. These were all things I really noticed afterwards but I KNOW they made a huge difference in the success of my birthing experience.

It was wonderful to touch my baby’s head as it was emerging. I decided in the moment to not use a mirror as I thought I would want to but it didn’t matter. I could hear and listen to each word Donna said to me in her low and calming voice. Near the end, I remember feeling tense and telling my body to relax and noticing how much easier it felt after that. Donna told me to give her my hands so I could bring my baby to me. This was something I wrote in my birth preferences and I am so glad that I did. It was unbelievable to feel my baby under the arms and bring him onto my chest. Another preference and a memory I wouldn’t trade for the world was when Mark leaned over and said to me, “It’s a boy! We have a son!”

Mason came into the world at 6:07 PM on Monday. His birth was the most wonderful, powerful and incredible experience I have ever had. It still is hard for me to believe sometimes that my birthing experience was what I dreamed it would be. However, I know this is what made it a reality.

I believed in my body, and myself,
I trusted my baby and knew he had an active part in his birth,
I remained positive from the start of my pregnancy through the birth,
I relished in the amazing support of my husband and my mom,
I was comforted by my midwife’s presence and
I used all the lessons learned in Hypnobirthing to maintain all of these feelings during this most wonderful time.